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SCRIPTWRITER. TV. FILM. THEATRE. RADIO, Portsmouth, United Kingdom
Hi there! Welcome my Scriptwriting blog. When I'm not here I write Scripts, Sketches, Stories and Lyrics. All enquiries welcome.

Thursday, 3 January 2008

(4) I'd like to thank...

Won one!

Well, ok, not one those, not just yet…

Some of you will already know that Lucy set a nifty little Christmas logline comp over at
Won that!
I’d like to thank my agent if I had one …

Lucy's blog is a good place to e-visit because as well as all manner of Scripting info, she often has some little cyber community thing going and besides she always has something to say!
She provided the titles to help stir those creative juices into movie cocktails.

I’d like to thank the Director…

I thought it was a great idea and submitted a logline for each section.
Just got to write the scripts now…

I’d like to thank the Cybersphere Academy…

She’s now been busy providing very useful feedback on all the entries via a link on her blog.
Here’s mine and the learned Miss Vee’s feedback :-

I'd like to thank Lucy

Loglines Comp

A Long Journey

A shooting star on Christmas Eve inspires an orphaned reindeer to escape from a petting zoo to seek Santa at the North Pole

Our winner of course and I can see why. It's classic family fare, its goal AND character is obvious, plus it's got the "cute" factor. No mean feat Sheiky! Very nice.


A stranded, self obsessed movie actress rediscovers her lost values when she reluctantly agrees to star in small town’s Christmas pageant

LV :
A good logline. The self-obsessed movie star as protagonist is a character that again I see A LOT though I do actually like the notion that a character like this can recover "lost values". The fact that she does this within a small town environment hints that this story actually can deliver this realisation; too often I see scripts with these characters on the verge of *almost* losing everything then the writer at last minute gives them a big contract or whatever, so they're rewarded for being awful. Would be interesting to see if Sheiky can pull this off as I think it's one of the most difficult characters to "draw".


This Christmas, be careful what you pull…
Two psychopathic sisters deliberately infect HIV with Christmas party one night stands

What mean protagonists Sheiky! This is a good logline with obvious antagonists, but I was left wondering whom the protagonist was and what he (she?) might do about these psychopaths.

A child is born

A defrocked Priest regains his faith whilst trying to save the newborn daughter of God from a Devil worshipping sect

A well-written logline, this nevertheless reminds me of END OF DAYS and just about every other Devil-worshipping film involving a baby, sorry Sheiky. I felt I wanted more that differentiated it from its predecessors and since there were quite a few in the run-up to the millennium especially, you'd need to pull something out the bag really quite unusual to be able to do this. However I should mention that I could be prejudiced unfairly against this idea since I get a lot of scripts about inhuman babies and/or babies that are the son or daughter of God or The Devil, so don't just take my word for it if you wanted to pursue this idea.

Confrontations and Revelations

A young Priest descended from Christ’s bloodline confronts Satan via a coded passage in the book of Revelations

Again, we're back to the Satanic thing though there are no babies this time... Secret codes are another "thing" of mine though, sorry Sheiky!!! I better shut up. Hey this has to be proof though that entering A LOT, like Sheikspear did pays dividends...

------ Thanks, LV. --------

And here's one sent, but the E-Postie failed to deliver ‘cos he’d knocked off early and went to the Pub like the rest of us…


This Christmas, be careful what you pull…

A disgruntled worker places explosives in the executive crackers sent as Christmas bonus to senior management
****************************** All available to commission... ***************************
My own favourite and the one I voted went for was straight into the point, protag & story.
I.m.h.o. a Logline that did exactly what it said on the tin;-

"DICKENS ON WOMEN" by Dave Anderson.

"The story Charles Dickens never dared tell. His own. "


Lucy said...

Awright Sheiky, sorry I wasn't keen on the whole satanism thing but I'm a good girl really. Glad to be of service.


Good to have the feedback. I agree the priest ones are a bit same old, same old, but I might give one a go...


UPDATE: On my fave logline "DICKENS ON WOMEN":-
Dave Anderson informs us it's now called HAUNTING DICKENS and he's finished the first 20 pages.

Good Luck with the project,Dave!